We interrupt this bliss with an important announcement

dear reader,

it is with great humility that i interrupt my tales of the ranch for the following true story. for the first time in my 42 years (yes, i know hard to believe it with my dewy complexion) my back has gone out. while descending from a mother's day hike with my beloved husband, i stepped into a small trench and rolled my ankle. at that precise moment, i felt something torque in my lower back. i steadied myself, avoiding a calamitous fall and carried on running down the mountain leaving david in his funny five toe running shoes behind me as i stretched my legs out and accelerated my already gazelle-like pace. while waiting at the bottom for david, i began to feel a somewhat sharp and yes even shooting sensation emanating from my lower back al the way down to my toes. i did some stretches which made it no better at all. within 5 hours the pain had gone from irksome to solidly painful and i realized i may have actually done something to myself.

given that back pain is something i always think of as affecting the old and infirm, this was not easy for me to admit but alas, my virtual paralysis in bed that night coupled with my suddenly strong desire to install a handicapped rail in my bathroom to assist me as i sat to pee were hard evidence to ignore. when i got up from a fitful night of sleep (it was more like i rolled onto one side and then used the momentum from the roll to try and flop my feet on the floor while rising to a sitting position, and after resting there i then stood up shakily), the pain had escalated to the excruciating. i spent most of the morning standing at my computer (sitting was not an option any longer for my aching back) trying to research this new condition. inconclusive evidence but i was leaning toward an L4 and L5 disc compression with muscle spasms as the diagnosis.

i went to see my trainer at our regularly scheduled time, in the hopes that he might help stretch me, but upon seeing me enter the studio hunched over like an Asian rice paddy worker, he immediately sent me to see his chiropractor Dr. Ho. Dr. Ho is in his late 30's and is not a big man. However, his appearance is cruelly deceptive as I am now convinced he was trained by whatever secret military interrogation unit dominates in his native China. Dr. Ho did warn me that he would need to work on my back and that this would be painful. he told me in fact that it was "peh-feck-lee ass-ept-able foh you to curse oh cry. men-ee oh my pay-shen do bode, iz noh-mal." i chose to laugh through the piercing flashes of pain and dizzy spells for that is simply how i deal with tragedy.

dr. ho's mute intern observed the 65 minute ordeal from the side of the room, and i can only hope that my stoicism served to keep him interested in his chosen profession. dr. ho warned me that i would need to see him three times a week for two weeks, avoid all strain (which means no exercise), and that i would be quite bruised from his manipulation of the muscles and tissue surrounding the L4 and L5 but not to worry. oh yes, and i am not to take any anti-inflammatory meds either which was quite a buzz kill after enduring the procedure. this ban on exercise comes at a most inopportune time as i have my son's bar mitzvah in 10 short days and i was hoping to squeeze into a particular dress that is unlikely to fit perfectly without at least another week of excessive calorie burning. a call to the personal shopper may now be required.

and so, here i stand typing this accurate and unembellished account of my back injury for you my dear reader to both enjoy and learn from. the lesson is simple, when running, if you should happen to feel pain somewhere in your body, stop and walk the rest of the way, apply ice immediately and buy a leather strap to chew on before you go visit the chiropractor.

please enjoy the absence of photos of my bruised back. i decided it was best to omit them for humanitarian reasons.