In 2009 I decided to take time off in order to travel with my family and spend as much time with my 3 amazing children and my fabulous husband. This blog will chronicle our adventures.
So long Egypt, hello Canyon Ranch, Arizona. Flew into Tucson yesterday and enjoyed the drive from the airport to the spa where I saw that the Grease Monkey Garage is offering an "oil change stimulus package", not sure what is being stimulated although next door was a large sign advertising the Tucson Vasectomy Reversal Clinic. (good to know about in a pinch)
I arrived at the "Ranch" which is what all the in-crowd call the place. By the in-crowd please picture 40-something New York women with busy lives and big bling in search of intense spiritual well being during their 5-7 night stay. Now the Ranch is a true well being sanctuary, no alcohol, no smoking, no diet soda, no salt etc. but absolutely every kind of mind body treatment invented and dozens of healers to help me along on my quest for inner peace and the ability to squeeze into my size 4 pants again. At the Ranch you work out, you drink iced wildberry all natural caffeine free infusions, you do yoga and mediation, you measure your body composition and your shakra energy and of course you enjoy the myriad of massages and other delights at the spa. You also spend a fair amount of time hungry.
This being my second stay at the Ranch I didn't want to be confused for a newbie who may not realize for instance that your black canvas Ranch bag is the accessory de rigeur that you carry everywhere or that the quickest way to the Clubhouse from the Health and Healing Center in to take a shortcut through the spa building. So naturally I informed the smiling woman at reception named Heather that I was so happy to be back at the Ranch and that I would be joined that evening by my girlfriend who had never visited before. She immediately changed her posture into a more familial and warm stance, I was no wet-behind-the-ears first timer who would need to be told how to procure and smuggle Chardonnay onto the property from the Wallgreens down the hill nor how salt is available upon request at all the restaurants. We discussed the availability of a town car to take me for a wine run in between treatments and were fast friends.
I admired the new black and white photos of wild baby animals behind Reception and commented on how cute the pot bellied pig was. Heather smiled with pleasure and let me know that many guests confuse it with a Javalina (local wild pigs) but that indeed it is a pot bellied pig. "Really," I replied incredulously, "probably the same people who try to pet the Javalina's at the Ranch", we both had a good chuckle over that retort. I expressed mild displeasure at the location of my room as it is so very far away from the spa, and Heather agreed and told me "not to worry, I'm sure we can do something about that for you Lorna." We were on a first name basis which is always a very good thing at reception I find. Sure enough, Heather upgraded me to a Cassita which is a villa with a separate bedroom and sitting area and a full extra bathroom located right across from the spa. It also has a microwave for popcorn making, the Orville Redenbacher which you buy at Walgreens too of course. "Here you go Lorna, this should be much better for you and the upgrade is free of charge." I thanked Heather warmly and accepted my new Canyon Ranch t-shirt and black canvas bag, and made off for my Cassita.
After unpacking all my Lululemon gear, I pulled on some yoga pants and headed for the spa to enjoy some Yamuna Foot Fitness, which is like a torture class using a circular plastic ball covered in spiky porcupine-like knobs. You stand and do various exercise with your bare feet on the Yamuna ball in order to stretch the fascia in your feet and toes to promote circulation and better flexibility and posture. 20 minutes is absolute agony but by the time it is over you do feel like your feet are lighter and more balanced. In class I made friends with two older women from Michigan, Anita and Janet. Anita is recovering from ovarian cancer and loves to chat while Janet has an obsession with the NBC show 30 Rock and is convinced that several of the stars are at the Ranch this week; something I highly doubt and have yet to have an actual celeb sighting.
After a lunch of unsalted chicken broth and gluten free noodles with a side of hummus and rice crackers (so not kidding) I headed to the Medical Wellbeing Pavillion to meet with my Ranch doctor and have a Women's Health Assessment. Dr. D was wonderful and is not entirely convinced that I am suffering from peri-menopausal symptoms you'll be glad to hear, but thinks I am likely suffering from allergies so has put me on a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free detox. Size 4 here I come!! Then it was back to the spa for Yin Yoga and my Jin Shin Jyutsu treatment.
At 8pm my dear friend Hilary arrived and after introducing her to her black canvas Ranch tote and explaining its importance to her, we were off for a dinner of tofu steak and sauteed kale. After dinner we hopped in the waiting town car and picked up our wine as well as our salty and sweet treats although on my detox Hilary may be enjoying them solo and returned to our Cassita, where I found a dozen beautiful yellow roses from my amazing hubby David. David has been here before and initally tried to send us wine but could not so opted for flowers, how romantic!!
Tomorrow we enjoy a 6:30am bike ride and lots more flax seed.
We flew back to Cairo this morning and the kids were very excited for their reunion with Mohammed. When we arrived at baggage claim Mohammed greeted us and the kids ran to him offering big hugs he returned full force. He had brought them a handmade papyrus with their names written in hieroglyphics on a beautiful hand painted backdrop. Justin told Mohammed that he had missed him and Livvy smiled and leaned in closer and said bashfully, “Well, yeah, me too actually.” I think she may have a crush. We happily parted ways with Walid and made our way out to where Aiymen was awaiting us with a big smile, a private van and yes Purel. We were welcomed back at the Oasis like returning royalty, even the K-9 officers at the gates smiled and waved. We checked into our rooms euphorically. Justin immediately emptied both rooms of all the Occitane bath products to add to his trip collection, which is now so embarrassingly large that I must carry a fair deal of it in my suitcase or his bag will exceed the weight limit. We headed down to High Tea in the foyer and Livvy munching on a cucumber tea sandwich said, “This takes me back to Boston. Remember how good the tea was at the Four Seasons and how you kept telling them it was my birthday so they’d keep writing Happy Birthday in chocolate sauce on my plate.” (I am not making any of this up, she absolutely cracks me up. To be clear, “this takes me back to Boston” was last May for her 8th bday.) Mohammed then fetched us for a beautiful faluka (sail boat) ride on the Nile. While waiting for our boat, a group of 10 boys between the ages of 4 and 13 were gathered around a boom box playing hip hop music as they practiced their break dancing moves. Justin and Liv couldn’t take their eyes off of the children and made sure to say hello over and over again. Then we headed back to Giza for the evening’s Sound and Light Show at the base of the Sphinx with the pyramids in the background. Everything was exactly what you’d imagine except for the lengthy pre-show bag pipe band. Seeing a group of Egyptian men clad in Scottish themed outfits (not quite kilts but plenty of tartan) and marching to bag pipes and drums is definitely unusual. “Is that even Egyptian?” asked Justin. We headed back to the Oasis and enjoyed dinner Al Fresco by the pool where Justin enjoyed his last cheeseburger of the trip. Having played the Animal game non-stop for the entire holiday, we invented a new game, the Food game. You pick a food and then we ask yes or no questions until we guess what it is, “Do you eat it at breakfast? Do you eat it with a fork? Etc.” When it was Livvy’s turn, Justin and I were stumped after a full 10 minutes of questions, and gave up only to learn that she had picked “lemon zest” as her food. Now you may wonder what would possess her to think that lemon zest is a food as opposed to an ingredient, but I kept wondering how many 8 year olds would even think of lemon zest at all? “Well you know how you sometimes use it for risotto or even cookies to give them a little tang Mom.” She is not your average 3rd grader, Livvy is much much more and I have had the greatest pleasure spending all this time alone with Livvy and Justin! So lucky to be their mom (and Chloe’s too).
At 3:30am the ship’s night purser rang my cabin with a wakeup call for our 4am departure to our hot air balloon ride at dawn. Having had the opportunity on multiple mornings here in Egypt to be awoken by the amplification of the dawn prayers, I had no problem informing the kids when asked that dawn is indeed at roughly 4:45am. Our driver, I regret to inform you, picked us up and announced that we would be stopping to pick up 9 guests from another ship on our way. You can imagine my dismay and Livvy and Justin’s confusion at having the sanctity of our private transport violated by strangers, we were clearly not in Aiymen’s protection anymore.Not surprisingly this driver offered no warm morning greeting not Purel, clearly not half the man that Aiymen is. We decided to press on and smiled politely at the freeloaders as they gained access to the van. Within 20 minutes we had arrived at the port where we boarded small wooden scarf-draped motor boats that would carry us from the east bank of the Nile to the west. There were 10 boats docked one behind the other parallel to the dock so that you had to climb through one to get to the second and so on. Each boat had a table set with tea cups and saucers and a foil wrapped piece of heavily sweetened pound cake, this was referred to as “a light breakfast” by the guide. After only having to move boats 3 times, allowing Justin the opportunity to amass 6 pieces of cake (Livvy didn’t care for hers) and Justin felt it was only fair due to the inconvenience we’d been caused, we were off. Aboard the boat we were introduced to the balloon pilot who in fact wore a pilot’s starched white shirt with gold shoulder stripes below his flap jacket, likely acquired on eBay.egt. The pilot explained in heavily accented English that the balloon ride was “ahbas-ahlutely saehfe” and then proceeded to demonstrate the “eemeergehency lending pozitiohn” which was “veery veery eemporohrtant to avoideed dregging ov bah-loon in dezert and zen cresh.” Livvy thought this was hilarious and kept repeating, “This is so safe, totally safe, now here’s your emergency landing position.”
We then boarded a mini-van filled with American tourists on a senior citizen tour of Egypt. The kids chatted excitedly to the octogenarians, especially a lovely 85 year old gentleman from Boston who lives near Concord, MA where Chloe will be attending school in the fall. We arrived at the launch site from which the balloons would take off, which was perched beside a wheat field being harvested by local farmers with sicles in hand, and was strewn with beautifully wrapped bundles of wheat set out to dry in the quickly rising sun. The air field was strewn with 40 locals dressed in Sihnbad Balloons blue jumpsuits busy attending to 3 balloons laying on the earth and moving small pickup trucks with the baskets and enormous fans and tanks of helium into position. After the 6 guides sized the tourists up (literally and figuratively as the balloons need to be balanced by equal weight in each of the 4 compartments that hold roughly 4-5 people in each compartment) and some lengthy deliberations by the various guides as to who should be placed in which balloon based upon rudimentary weight estimations we were divided up into smaller groups of 5. Livvy, Justin and I were placed with Leo and Nathan, an adorable New York couple on the seniors tour who were dressed head to toe in their newly acquired Egyptian finery, and cracking non-stop La Cage au Folle style quips. “If we start to fall from the sky, you and your gorgeous children just hang on to me darling, I’m a fairy so I can fly. Oh haaah haaah haah!”
There was a mild wind but apparently even the slightest wind poses a severe danger for hot air ballooning so we were made to wait and wait and wait as the guides and balloon crews observed the weather and exchanged hand gestures and remarks. The sun rose and we watched as one balloon after another attempted to gain lift off and were elated when indeed the balloons began to fill the morning sky. There was a multicolored striped balloon that Leo spied and called out excitedly, “Look Nathan, a “pride” balloon!” We were individually carried pharaoh style (as if seated upright) into the balloon basket by the jumpsuit clad crew and when all were aboard the pilot began a complicated set of maneuvers involving terrifically hot blasts of helium and shouting wildly at the crew and driver of the pickup truck to which the balloon was chained. One of the crew unhooked us from the truck just as a gust of wind suddenly blew and immediately we were tipping over, the pilot began to shout “eemeergehency lending pozitiohn” “eemeergehency lending pozitiohn”, so we all crouched down into our positions. The crew managed to re-hook us to the pickup and righted the basket so no one fell out and the pilot already dripping with sweat gave the truck driver a tongue lashing that was to be admired. I don’t know what the driver had done but it was obviously very very bad. Quickly regaining his composure, the pilot shouted out more instructions and soon we were told “stend uhpe, stend uhpe” and suddenly we were floating above the ground. Apart from the sound of the intermittent helium blasts into the balloon, it was absolutely silent and stunning. We floated over the Valley of the Kings and could appreciate the majesty of the temples as well as the proximity of Nile and the desert. We floated deeper into the desert and the pilot announced, “veery veery wihindy so when we find saefe plece to lend, we lend, okay?” Everyone quickly nodded in agreement. After 25 minutes of serene beauty we descended into what can only be referred to as a pseudo-crash landing on the desert floor, utilizing our “ eemeergehency lending pozitiohn” twice more before setting permanently on the ground. We wondered how we would be found and returned to safety as we stood in the basket smiling nervously at one another surrounded by nothing but sand and sky, and then suddenly from the distance and seemingly out of nowhere, emerged a pickup truck filled with our blue-jumpsuited saviors. The passengers all began to clap spontaneously. The heroes leaped from the truck and ran toward the basket at full speed although it appeared to us as if in slow motion just like a re-enactment of the famous scene in the film “Backdraft” when the firemen storm the burning building. Half the men secured the balloon while the other half proceeded to rescue/lift the passengers out of the basket and onto the desert floor where we were then guided to the waiting mini-buses.
Elated and relieved we bid the crew farewell and tipped them handsomely before heading in our separate directions.
Next we headed to the Valley of the Kings where Walid, who by now was seriously getting on all of our nerves, was awaiting our arrival. We took an open air parking shuttle tram (think Disneyworld parking lot shuttle) from the entrance up the hill to where the tomb entrances are located. We waited in the shade while other guides explained the history of the various tombs and what to expect within to their guests and Walid chatted with a group of his friends. Guides are not allowed inside the tombs with tourists so they must wait outside while you visit which is why they are supposed to give you a full explanation and set up in the shaded area beforehand. We then entered 3 different tombs, 1 more impressive than the next, and Livvy and Justin played a game of “Eye Spy” in each tomb using the bright colors of the amazingly preserved hieroglyphics. We lost Walid twice as he jetted from friend to friend but luckily the other guides were very well informed and I was able to translate a particularly gifted French guide’s explanations for the kids. Having visited Tutankamen’s treasures at the museum in Cairo we decided to skip his rather tiny tomb (the Kings began building their tombs the moment they ascended to power, so the longer you reigned the more elaborate your tomb, Tut ruled for less than 10 years so his tomb is very small and rather unimpressive compared to Ramses the IV who ruled for more than 20 years for example). Justin wanted to walk through the market at the bottom of the hill before getting back in the car, so we did. He found a lovely alabaster box for Chloe and we enlisted Walid’s help to negotiate with the merchant. When the price got down to a reasonable level and I began to nod, Walid made an additional comment in Arabic of course to the merchant, who then politely said “La, La,” which means no, no. Walid then told us the deal was off and to walk away, so we did and all of a sudden Walid was surrounded by at least 20 of the merchants who were holding Walid hostage it appeared for some grave injustice he had committed and Walid began screaming at the top of his lungs what were obviously obscenities. The volume and fury escalated and I feared it would come to blows or knives, really. Soon the Tourist Police were summoned by another merchant and more shouting and spitting ensued with Walid still unable to free himself from the circling crowd of angry merchants. Walid was visibly out of control, bright red in the face and apparently scared, yet it appeared from our vantage point that he had been the wrong doer with whatever it was he had said to the merchant. Suddenly Walid was marched off by the Police and we were alone in the market.
The original merchant approached us slowly with a friend and told us not to worry that this was a joke and that our guide will be back. I replied that this was obviously not a joke and asked what happened. The friend told us that in this market they do not pay commission to guides and yet our guide was demanding a commission or we would not buy anything. It all made perfect sense. Walid had told us the deal was off but in fact the price for us had been agreed to, it was the price for him that was the problem. I paid the merchant the sum we had agreed upon before the rumble broke out and he gratefully accepted the cash and kept us company until the Police returned with Walid some 15 minutes later. Still red in the face and visibly agitated, Walid suggested we leave the market. The kids now understood what had transpired and seeing as they were pretty sick of Walid anyhow, Justin decided to have some fun and asked Walid what happened. Without missing a beat, Walid said that “Someone had insulted your mother and no one insults one of my guests and so I showed them who is in charge and how to treat tourists. Everything is fine now.” Justin pressed on, “What did he say?” toying with Walid. “uhmm, nothing to be repeated,” replied Walid and Justin glanced my way smiling and giving me the “yeah, I’ll bet” look.
We enjoyed dinner with the other passengers on the boat as for the first time, Walid did not come down to dinner. Justin and Livvy learned a 21 card trick from Ned the lovely Englishman and his wife Marcia who now live in Spain, and a cute toothpick trick from Robert and Franklin who live in New York. “They were really nice people didn’t you think Mom?”
This morning we awoke at 6:30am at the port of Ko-Mombo, grabbed a quick cup of tea and stepped off the ship to walk 50 yards to the entrance to the Temple of Ko-Momobo on the Nile. The kids particularly enjoyed the secret underground passages and chambers from which the priests would speak pretending to be the gods, and the sound would be amplified into the sanctuary where drunken worshipers were praying. "That would totally get me to behave," remarked Livvy. Upon exiting the temple there was a snake charmer (for real) who graciously offered us to wear one of his cobras around our necks. The kids were not too keen, so I volunteered and got major coolness points from Justin who kept saying that it was way too freaky for him and that he was really happy I did so at least he could take a picture. Note to those of you who haven't spent much time close to snakes, they smell like fish, stale fish. After showering me with compliments for coolness and bravery, the kids showered me with Purel and made me dab some behind my neck for extra protection.
We then sailed for 3 hours from Komombo to Edfu and enjoyed lunch on the sun deck as we admired the vista. After dessert, the kids handed me a scrap of paper upon which was a clue, the first of 10 in the on board scavenger hunt they created for me with the help of the crew. The hunt ended in my cabin with a cup of tea (milk and brown sugar thank you) waiting for me and of course a bottle of Purel with a reminder to use it before enjoying my treat. (see pic)
We arrived in Edfu and caught a horse drawn carriage to the Temple of Edfu. En route we spied a flat bed truck transporting camels, and Livvy thinking it was definitely the single funniest thing she had ever seen in her life, burst out in a full belly giggle like I haven't heard since she was a baby. We visited the temple and the kids informed me that they were "templed out" for the day and could we go back to the ship, so we did. Back aboard the ship we sailed to Luxor passing through a lock which gave the kids a great deal of pleasure as they felt the ship sinking to the lower depth. The lock was lined with Egyptian boys practicing their English skills by shouting at the passengers. When the boys saw Justin and Livvy they began peppering him with questions, " Is this your wife?" "She very pretty, how much you want for her?" The offer started at 8 camels and went up to 36 but Justin insisted that "She's not for sale." Livvy was delighted at her big brother's gallant display of albeit rare protection for her; although she did pull me aside to ask whether 36 camels was a lot or a little to offer for a girl and whether I thought Chloe would get much more.
Once safely through the lock and the human trafficking port, Justin and Liv spent a solid 30 minutes at the bow of the ship alternating between re-enacting the famous scene from Titanic and pretending to be fashion models on an exotic shoot. We arrived at port in Luxor at 8pm and after a delightful dinner went to sleep.
Back to internet access so here are the photos for this post.
The day started off with a 4:30am wake up call courtesy of the 3 closest mosques that were blasting their call to dawn prayers. Serves me right for not taking an Ambienlast night. Mohammed met us with boxed breakfasts in the lobby at 5:30am and we headed for the airport to catch our flight to Aswan, picking Walid up en route as he is accompanying us for our cruise as well. Having arrived just days earlier at the very civilized International Terminal, we were completely unprepared for the Domestic terminal experience. First it is important to note that there are no lines whatsoever at the Domestic terminal. This by no way means that there aren’t hoards of people trying to check in; it just means that there are no lines at all and so people swarm like human wasps shoving and grunting in an attempt to get through security. It was vaguely reminiscent of the Thanksgiving Day Walmart stampede, although I did not see anyone actually trampled. I had to hold my arms out to protect the kids as best I could using the camera bag as a strategic weapon to swipe people with “by accident” when they crashed into us. Once having cleared the initial security screen we proceeded to the check in desk, and there again there were no lines but the throngs of pushing and shoving and yelling masses. Justin and Livvy were trying to be good sports but were visibly unsettled by being alternately pushed and patted by the rude yet curiously friendly local passengers. I received what I want to believe were numerous compliments on the kids from smiling, toothless old women and invasively smelly mustachioed men who poked and shoved me like a large blonde ragdoll as they made their way past me and the kids. It took about 45 minutes to pass through the second security screening and no one even checked the contents of my carry on. “That man just spat on me Mom,” seethed Livvy through her teeth, “ I swear Justin it’s true. He was shouting something at the man next to me in Arabic and you know how they make those spitting sounds when they talk sometimes like they have some apple stuck in their throat, and his spit landed on my arm. That is soooo gross.” Once onboard the aircraft Justin demanded Purel and insisted Livvy use 2 dime sized dollops for extra safety.
Ensconced in their Business Class seats and safely divided from the spitting and pushing crowd in Coach by a teal green curtain that felt as impenetrable as steel, the kids settled into their complimentary pre-flight juice and snacks, and relaxed. We were the only people on the happy side of the teal curtain, so the kids had the entire cabin to themselves and thought that was awesome. After a breakfast of hot croissant and yogurt, we landed in Aswan, and the chief flight attendant held the rest of the passengers on board while the three of us disembarked and were greeted by our own private shuttle bus to the baggage claim terminal. Justin thought he’d died and gone to heaven and spent the next 10 minutes calculating how many passengers per shuttle bus there would be for the rest of the passengers. I must have reminded the kids a dozen times not to expect to travel like this in future and that this was a very rare treat. Livvy stopped me cold in my tracks saying, “We know, we know Mom, we’re just enjoying this but don’t worry we aren’t spoiled brats.” So there.
Once in our new mini-bus we cranked up the AC and headed to the High Dam which was built during the Cold War with Russian money as the World Bank refused to loan Egypt the funds in 1961, and has enough water to keep Egypt hydrated for 27 years. We then headed to a Nubian port where at least 100 Nubian men were selling wares and offering boat rides to the island where the Temple of Philae is located. Walid found yet another dozen friends at the port, and we caught a small boat with a 15 horsepower motor, and a large and friendly Nubian guide. The kids bought Nubian handicrafts from our guide right on the boat as we made our way to the island and wondered why they don’t have shopping boats like this in San Francisco.
We stopped for Gatorade and while the kids enjoyed fresh mango popsicles we played a few rounds of the Animal game. You know where one person picks an animal in her mind and the other can ask YES or NO questions in order to guess what animal it is . Anyhow, a small crowd of guides collected at the table behind us (all friend of Walid of course) and by the end of the 3rd game they were throwing in guesses as well. One guide guessed “motorcycle” so maybe they weren’t too clear on the concept but nonetheless everyone was having a great time.
After the temple we headed to the cruise ship where we will be for the next 3 nights. The kids were giddy at their suite and terrace overlooking the Nile. There aren’t any other children on board so the staff seem to adopted the kids as mascots and smile brightly and make jokes we cannot understand every time there’s an opportunity to interact. Justin and Livvy enjoyed the sun deck pool and then had a great game of pretending to dance the Tango as the sun set over the Nile.
This evening there was a Nubian dance and drum show in the lounge before dinner and Justin got to participate in a dance where he was to wake the sleeping horse, see the pics attached. All the guests joined in what I can only describe as a Nubian conga line and I had the dubious honor of standing directly behind one of the performers who had most definitely refrained from showering or laundering his jallabeh for a considerable period of time. Every time I tried to let go of his waist he’s reach for my hands and place them firmly back on his eerily slender waist. For the record, I prefer when a man wears a larger belt size than me. As soon as the show was over, Justin said how much he liked it and insisted that I could go to the room to get the Purel. His conga companion was apparently no better smelling than mine.
Everyone went to sleep happy and tomorrow we sail for Edfu.
